The Renee Way

I saw my uncle today. I haven't seen him for a couple of years. He is a really nice guy and was asking me about what all had been going on with me. He knew the broad strokes of the portrait, so as I started to fill in the details, he began to laugh. I thought he might start to cry he was laughing so hard.

Now those of you that know me at all know that my life is a lot of things, but gut-busting merry it isn't. He apologized and said he knew what I was saying wasn't funny, but that I just told it in such a "Renee way" that he couldn't help it. I have decided to take that as a compliment. But I have to wonder if the "Renee way" makes me sound nonchalant or uncaring to people that don't know me well or don't know the whole of my story.

So I am going on record that I love my children more than myself, more than chocolate, even more than my dogs. My life isn't always easy, isn't even usually easy, so I diffuse my own tension with humor and sarcasm. This may not always sound appropriate to others, but it is how I cope. So if you read about what would normally be sad or even tragic and you smile instead of cry, that's ok. So do I.

Blowing my Daughter's Future Out my Nose

Dear Ms. Choir Instructor:

I was looking at my daughter's grades online and saw that she is missing an assignment from August. I asked her about it and she got it out of her back pack. It is an orange student info sheet. I remember, vaguely, her coming home with that in the beginning of the school year and telling me that it was MY homework assignment to do. I assumed she was joking and told her that was too bad. I wasn't enrolled in her classes and was not required to do homework for them. Imagine my surprise that SHE was given an F (0/10) for me not completing MY assignment in a class I didn't take.

I am a single mother of three girls. Between my full time job, cooking, shopping, cleaning, and shuffling them to their 94 (if they stay healthy) doctor's, dentists, counselor's and orthodontist's appointments a year, I do not have the time or inclination to complete homework assigned by a 6th grade teacher.

My daughter will have the Student Information Sheet, completed by me and turned in by her, on Wednesday. Please do not penalize my daughter for an assignment that wasn't hers to complete. And for the record, my daughter does not have the authority to tell me what I have to do, even if her teacher "assigns" it.

In the future, if you need information that can't be obtained from the records the school already has, just ask. Please do not call it homework and fail my child for not providing it.

Sincerely,

Renee

P.S. - (This was not included in the actual letter to the teacher, but should have been.) I see where she did not get extra credit for providing Kleenex for your classroom. Of course it didn't say how much extra credit that would have been. Seriously, what is the price of an A? One box of tissues, a 4 pack, a case? Can I just write a check for $2.09 and she can "earn" enough points to get the all A honor-roll? I will admit I am not musically inclined, but what does this teach them? Are we sure it is something they should be learning?

Make Him a Matchless Match

A few weeks ago I signed up on Match.com. It has been an odd experience. I've had a pretty decent response. Actually I was a little overwhelmed the first week. It has been so long since any man paid attention to me, including my creepy ex, that I was flabbergasted. I had to go reread my profile to see if I sounded horny and desperate. Honestly I don't think I do. I am thinking there must be a severe shortage of singles that can type coherent sentences. I may have finally found my niche.

I hid from the site for a week or two, while eldest daughter was running me ragged mentally, and have just recently peeked back at my contacts. I have been "winked" at quite a few times. I was very excited until I realized over half of the winkers were 1000 plus miles away. What exactly do these men think is going to happen here? And why are they looking for mates across the country? There really can't be a national shortage of 40 something divorced mothers of teens out there.

So anyway, after nearly 21 years of ignoring the male population, I am now corresponding with not one, but two local divorced dads. And though I have met neither of them, I feel like I am cheating on them. Not good at dating - or almost dating. I don't need this stress.

Extra points if you can tell me where the blog title comes from.

Untold Riches

Next week I have 3 days off. I do not have long left in my job and need to use my vacation time before I lose it. One of the days, J and A have off from school. I'm excited to get to spend some time with them.

Another of the days I have to take S to the doctor. But the the third day - I get to spend home. Alone with my dogs. No kids until 3:00 p.m. Heaven on Earth. Of course I love my kids, but I am in desperate need of a day without stress. Even if the day is only 8 hours long.

Wishy Washy

Do I stay or do I go, now? It's ok to tap your feet. I just wish I knew where to plant mine. Every time I think I know which way the wind is blowing me, something else comes up that makes me rethink my choices.

Tomorrow I have a phone interview for a job that will let me move back to my home town. But it doesn't pay well. Today my current job offered to let me stay on part time after my Real Estate training is completed. So there would at least be some money coming in while I get established.

So do I go live in a place I love, or try a new career that I think I would love? I feel like Charlie Brown trying to talk myself into kicking/not kicking the football.

Finally a Little Support

The girls have been a little uncooperative for some time now. No matter what I do, they are never where they should be. Today I fixed that. It cost me a bit of money and asking for help was just as embarassing as I thought it would be, but finally, finally, things are moving up. I got a new bra and the girls have relocated a few inches north of their previous home.

Busy Trying to Maintain Sanity

Wow -it's been nearly a week since I've been on here. Life has kind of steamrolled me lately. One of my ankles is still screwed up. But that has been the very least of my problems.

In the last week S managed to spread her stories about how I beat her and I was investigated for child abuse. It may have been a mixed blessing. It tore a hole in my heart, but it may open the door to getting some in home service. The charge has already been unsubstantiated. When she found out she got me reported, she ran away for a third time. So tired of it all.

I have 3 weeks left of work. Then I start my Real Estate class. Or not. I have a phone interview for a job near my home town. And the house I grew up in is finally on the market. And if I sold this one I could afford it. If things all came together perfectly, I might get to move home.

Finally, I joined an online dating service. I have been chatting with a man that finds me funny and interesting. At least he keeps chatting with me. It is good for my soul to be flirted with again. It has been too many years.

Pain and Suffering

Yeah, another upbeat entry from yours truly. :-/

I have had a lot of pain in my right shoulder and the side of my neck. Like it hurts to turn my head kind of pain. I have been blaming it on sleeping wrong, but since I don't know how to sleep right, something is gonna have to give.

Though I am still recovering from my fall on the stairs last week, I decided the dogs HAD to be walked today. It was getting pathetic watching them walk through the house holding their leashes. So S and I decided to take the two for an afternoon stroll. Most of the walk was uneventful. Near the end, however, we saw a man approaching with two small dogs of his own. Knowing Maggie's anticanine tendencies, we started to cut through a common area to avoid the little dogs. Man decided to do so too. Maggie literally pulled me off my feet and drug me to try and get to the interlopers. Eventually my greater strength (weight) halted her forward progress. When I stood up, my other ankle hurt. It is 6 hours later now and it has continued to get worse all afternoon. I can barely get around even with crutches.

I'd complain that I can't catch a break, but I fear I may have.

This Post has Nothing to do with 9/11

I want to write witty and cohesive posts about the things that are occurring in my life. Unfortunately, I am barely awake when I update, much less witty. Tonight, however, I have a full glass of wine, no kids, and a clean house. Perhaps witty will follow?

Why is my house clean? Because we had a showing today. I was up until 11:00 p.m. shaving Maggie fur off the furniture and carpeting. (This will soon be your life, Christine.) I had to board the dogs since they were scheduled to come during the day and I had to work. Thing about boarding the dogs is that they need to have the bordatella (sp?) vaccine. Rocky didn't. So he had to have that done. This showing cost me $62 in dog expenses. And the people didn't even take a flyer.

Why don't I have any kids tonight? Because my mom (who hit a milestone this week in her weight loss) took them for the night. I finally told my mother about becoming a realtor. She didn't call me an idiot or a dumbass. She is either off her game - or her joy at being thinner is seeping into her personal relationships. She did tell me I would suck as a salesperson though.

So with no kids and a clean house, why am I drinking at home, alone, on a Friday night? Good question. I keep thinking I want to date. But I am scared that I might bring another predator into my kids lives. Not worth it. I have been told I have issues. So there is that and the small fact that no one has asked me out. I miss playing pool in bars and drinking beer from a tap. I think I need to find a gay male friend that needs a beard.

Okay - I obviously didn't hit witty. Is it at least somewhat cohesive?

Good and Bad

I'm cautiously optimistic about my new broadband card. It costs twice as much as the internet connection I just cancelled, but I am thinking of it as insurance. If my kids can't get online without my knowledge, then they will have more trouble giving out identifying information to perverts. And really we have fulfilled our lifetime pervert quota. The kids are not as excited about my new safety measure.

The last couple of days our home has had an odor. We couldn't identify it or find the source. Until last night. Seems another mouse made it in, but not out. Cleaning up this little corpse made me realize how very glad I am that I am not in a position that would require me to clean up a human-sized one.

Peace on My Earth

At peace with myself for the first time in a while. I signed up for the real estate class today. I gave notice today (but I gave a month and offered to return after the class on a part-time basis.) I feel good about my decisions. I have a tendency to second guess myself quite a bit, but I do think I have already done this. This decision was a long time in coming. But it feels right. I still have to break it to my mother though. She will call me names and will not listen to my reasoning. Knowing that, I am hoping I can let my new found calm deflect her criticism.

It has been three days since my eldest has run. She is simmering. I can tell that something is going to give soon. I am hoping that I can deflect that too. I am going to try and ignore her bad choices and choose to laugh when she tries to trick me with her manipulations and outright lies. I don't know how it will work, but nothing else has, so might as well give it a try.

Of course this peace could just be exhaustion. I only slept 3 hours last night. My ankle is twice its normal size and pain has been the main focus of my day. Still, I'll take it.

Labor Day

I have spent the day doing pretty much everything but the one thing I had intended to. This is a frequent theme to my life. My new faster laptop has pretty much brought my day to a halt as I try to load all my old files. Having troubles with the photos. I got 2 out 8 years to copy to the new PC, but none of the other 6 would. I don't know if it is an issue of the new or if the download to disk corrupted the rest.

Also having troubles figuring out how to access the printer since this is wireless and I have never done that before. I found the disk and am attempting to load the drivers. If I can get this sucker added to my network, I think I will have it nailed. Anyone know how to do that?

Labor day was a huge bust here. I got injured early in the day and didn't feel like doing anything. S is still on every one's shit list - no one wants to trust her in any way. I feel bad for her, but I have learned not to show it. She will immediately act out again if she thinks she has been able to snow me again. It took me a long time to learn, but experience has finally beat it through my head.

Same Shit, Different Audience

Eldest daughter must have really enjoyed all the attention she got the last time she ran away. She decided to do it again tonight - while we had company. I think it is her version of peromance art.

I have no idea what to do from here. I have never felt so impotent before. Open to suggestions.

Dead Things.

The farm next to our subdivision just baled hay last week. A hawk has been circling regularly. Several dead mice have turned up in our yard (and one in my bedroom). I just put this all together. I used to be smarter than this.